"Everything seems fine. But I don't feel like I'm home."

During consultations, psychologists often hear similar stories.

"I've been living here for four years now. I have work. My language skills have improved. But I still feel like a tourist."
"When I return to the country I left, I realize I don't belong there anymore. I come back—and I don't belong here either."
"I always think that real life will begin later."

These feelings may seem strange, especially if everything is objectively going well.

But it is precisely this condition that psychologists call the crisis of belonging.

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Why is this happening?

When we talk about emigration, we most often think about everyday difficulties:

  • find housing;
  • process documents;
  • learn a language;
  • get a job.

But research in recent years shows that the most complex changes occur not outside, but inside a person.

After moving, much more changes than it seems.

  • The familiar environment changes.
  • Relationships change.
  • Roles change.
  • The sense of security changes.

Sometimes even the answer to the question changes:

"Who am I now?"

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The brain doesn't need an address. It needs a sense of belonging.

In a 2025 systematic review of migrants' social integration, researchers found that a key factor in well-being is sense of belonging (*sense of belonging*), not just the number of connections or the length of time spent in a new country.

In other words, you can live in a new country for five years, know the language, work, and pay taxes—and still not feel like you've made it your own.

Study: Springer Nature. *Social connectedness and migrant well-being: systematic review* (2025) https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40615-024-02036-7

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Why do some people feel worse after just a few years?

This is one of the most unexpected findings of modern research.

Many people expect that the hardest times will be the first few months after moving.

But in practice, the opposite often happens.

The first months are spent in survival mode.

Need to:

  • process the documents;
  • find an apartment;
  • get settled into work;
  • solve dozens of everyday issues.

A person has a goal.

There is permanent employment.

There is a feeling of moving forward.

And then one day, an ordinary Tuesday comes.

The documents are ready.

There is work.

Life is well established.

And that's when the question arises:

"Why don't I feel at home yet?"

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Why does it feel like life is on hold?

After 2022, researchers began to separately study the new wave of Russian-speaking emigration.

One interesting observation is that many people find it difficult to make long-term plans.

They continue to live with the thought:

"This is temporary."

Even if several years have passed.

Researchers at the Institute of Sociology of the Russian Academy of Sciences note that the lack of a vision of the future is directly linked to more difficult adaptation.

If a person is constantly waiting for a return or puts life off “until better times,” the feeling of home may never appear.

Source: Institute of Sociology of the Russian Academy of Sciences https://www.isras.ru/index.php?page_id=2384

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"Maybe the problem is me?"

This is perhaps the most painful question.

Similar messages regularly appear on emigrant forums:

"They probably just don't want to be friends with me."
"I think I've become a boring person."
"Everyone around me is already living their lives, but I feel like I'm stuck."

But research shows that such thoughts are very often a result of social isolation, not an objective assessment of oneself.

In 2025, a large meta-analysis was published that included more than 166,000 migrants.

It turned out that almost every fourth migrant experiences severe loneliness.

This is not an uncommon problem.

This is one of the most common psychological effects of emigration.

Research: *Loneliness among migrants: systematic review and meta-analysis* (2025) Journal of Affective Disorders https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1876201825000243

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Why language doesn't solve the problem

Many are sure:

"Once I learn the language, everything will be fine."

Language really helps.

But it doesn't automatically create a sense of belonging.

You can speak Hebrew, English or German fluently.

You can understand jokes.

You can work for a local company.

And at the same time feel inner loneliness.

Because language is a tool of communication.

And the feeling of home is born from something else:

  • close relationships;
  • feeling safe;
  • the opportunity to be yourself;
  • feeling accepted not just as a coworker or neighbor, but as a person.

This is why many emigrants are surprised: the better their lives become on the outside, the more clearly they begin to notice the emptiness within. ---

If the feeling of “I’m an outsider here” doesn’t go away

Adaptation isn't a competition where you have to "get used to it" in six months or a year. Everyone has their own pace.

But if, several years after moving, you still feel like an outsider, constantly compare your new country to your past life, can't build close relationships, or live with the feeling that real life will begin "later," it might be time to talk to a professional.

Sometimes one conversation is enough to understand what exactly is preventing you from moving forward and to see the situation from a different angle.

Find a psychologist who is right for you

At RESTARTA, you can choose a psychologist, learn about their experience and specialization, and schedule a consultation at a convenient time.

👉 Sign up for an online consultation with a psychologist

Sometimes the most important step in adaptation is not to cope alone, but to allow yourself to receive support.

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