Addiction: How a Person Learns to Cope with Life
It all starts not with dependency
People aren't born adults. They gradually learn to understand themselves, recognize their feelings, tolerate disappointments, cope with anxiety, build relationships, and survive situations beyond their control.
As we grow older, we develop psychological defenses and ways of coping with reality. Some learn to talk about their feelings, others suppress them, some immerse themselves in work, and still others try to control everything around them.
We're all looking for ways to make our lives a little clearer, calmer, and safer. And these ways, in and of themselves, aren't the problem.
The problem begins when one of them becomes practically the only one.
When it gets easier
Let's imagine a young man who struggles with social interactions. He finds it difficult to make new acquaintances, take initiative, and feel at ease in group settings. He's shy, anxious, and constantly worried about how he appears to others.
And one day he tries alcohol.
The tension eases. Meeting new people becomes easier, conversations become simpler, and his own limitations seem to recede. He feels more relaxed, more confident, more free.
This is where an important connection can emerge: alcohol doesn't just bring pleasure. It helps us cope with things that previously seemed difficult.
Moreover, a person doesn't necessarily perceive it this way. They may think they simply enjoy having fun, relaxing with friends, or unwinding after work.
Alcohol is also socially accepted in many situations: meetings, celebrations, dating, and corporate events. Not only do people tolerate its use, but sometimes it even offers this way of relaxation.
Gradually, a person gets used to turning to it in certain circumstances. At first, perhaps only at parties. Then—after a hard day. Later—whenever they feel anxious, lonely, bored, or having trouble coping.
This is how a habitual way of regulating one’s state is formed.
Addiction isn't always an attempt to numb the pain.
It is generally accepted that a person becomes addicted because he or she has experienced something terrible: loss, abuse, a difficult childhood, or emotional trauma.
Sometimes this is true. But addiction doesn't always begin with great tragedy.
Sometimes a person simply can't relax without a certain substance. They don't know how to meet new people and socialize without alcohol. They can't stand boredom without a constant stream of information. They can't cope with loneliness without another person.
And sometimes he doesn’t notice that he hasn’t rested for a long time, but runs away from himself into work, sports, shopping, or endless busyness.
The point is not in the action itself, but in what function it begins to perform.
If a person repeatedly turns to the same method because they otherwise find it difficult to cope, that method can gradually become increasingly significant. Moreover, chemical dependence also has biological mechanisms: changes in reward systems, the development of tolerance, and withdrawal symptoms can further support use.
Everyone has their own ways of coping
It could be said that we are all, to varying degrees, dependent on habitual ways of experiencing pleasure, reducing stress, or regaining a sense of control.
Some people find it hard to imagine life without work. Some constantly check their phones. Others seek refuge in food, shopping, exercise, sex, or relationships, becoming so absorbed in them that they lose sight of their own needs.
But it's important to distinguish between habit, intense infatuation, and clinical addiction. Not every addiction is destructive, and not every repetitive behavior is a disorder.
The question is: how free is a person in their choice? Can they stop? What happens when the usual method becomes unavailable? Does it continue despite the serious consequences for health, relationships, and one's own life?
And most importantly, does he still have other ways of coping with reality?
Why it's not enough to simply refuse
If a particular substance or behavior has helped a person relax, manage anxiety, feel more confident, or cope with loneliness for years, simply quitting doesn't always solve the underlying problem.
A person may stop drinking alcohol but still struggle to manage their emotions. They may give up one destructive habit but gradually replace it with another.
Therefore, working with addiction isn't just a matter of stopping use or changing behavior. It's also a process of developing new ways of living: recognizing your feelings, tolerating stress, building relationships, seeking support, and coping with situations beyond your control.
Addiction doesn't make a person weak. But it can gradually deprive them of their freedom of choice.
The goal of working with addiction isn't simply to take away a person's habitual crutch, but to help them learn to rely on themselves, their resources, and their relationships with others.
Because recovery isn't just about living without substances or destructive behavior. It's also about being able to live without needing them as the only way to cope with yourself and the world around you.
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Yulia Alyabyeva is a clinical psychologist. Her specialty is working with chemical and behavioral addictions. She helps understand the psychological mechanisms of addictive behavior, its causes, and develop new ways to cope with emotional distress and life's challenges.
Psychologist's page: https://restarta.one/ru/therapists/юлия-алябьева